Well as it turns out, sometimes you don't always know...

You see, when you think you know something your mind can get away from you. It can go of on these wonderful and amazing tangents that confuse your heart - it gets carried away sometimes. 

I'm not one of those people who hide anything. I wear my heart on my sleeve all the time - and from my last post you'll know what I'm talking bout. But as it turns out - it's not going to work. I eagerly and bullishly went after something that I wanted - I gave it my everything because it's what I thought I needed, but the world (and my heart) have other plans. 

You see, you can't make your heart feel something that it won't - you can try and try - but at the end of the day - our heart knows the truth. It's our heart, not our head, that guides us. 

You see, I could listen to my head - and be "happy" and "content" with what life I could have created, but I did that once before. I stayed in a relationship with someone even though my heart was pounding out of my chest like the running of the bulls festival in Spain - I stayed because my head told me he was everything I had ever wanted - a beautiful home, a beautiful family, a life that others envied, beautiful gifts, dinner on the table, wine in the wine rack and someone who I could have an intelligent and wonderful conversation with - but my heart knew that he wasn't faithful, that he was a liar and that every time he opened his mouth it was surely a lie. 

I learnt my lesson. Be true to what YOUR HEART tells you. If your HEART tells you to up and move interstate then listen, but if your head says - move interstate because you won't find love anywhere else - then this is where you need to cause an argument with your brain! Because truth is, love will find you when it's ready to find you. And it will be perfect. Sure, there'll certainly be challenges, but challenges that you'll want to face up to. You'll want to make the effort - because your heart will know that it's worth it. 

That's it for today. So remember - listen to you heart.  

D x

There's a bit of crazy inside all of us...

Haven't written in a while. Let's see what comes out...there's a bit going on in my head...but mostly consumed by just one thing...LOVE. 


You see, it's a funny thing. You see it in the movies a lot - and everything always works out for the people you want it to work out for. You see the girl who just won't give up on the guy, and the guy who thinks the girl is crazy for chasing him down and turning up on the doorstep (and sending flowers on valentines day)... and perhaps she is crazy, but perhaps she "just knows"...


There's a lot to be said about that internal feeling you get when you "just know". Like somehow you just know that jumping out of a plane might be a bad idea - you get that feeling - but you still jump....because you know the parachute will open and you'll be on the ground in 1min and 22secs. It's that safety net that we all want and sometimes without it we don't do what we really want...


So what does all this have to do with me? Well, there's a boy. And we met just over a year ago now and somehow, in the short time we were together, something happened. There was a definite emotional connection. A feeling of "just knowing". But, in tis crazy world it didn't work out - it was just bad timing it seems. And a year on, I still have that same feeling I had when I first saw him. That gut wrenching feeling that takes over all emotion - that says, you're crazy for feeling this way but feel it anyway...


So my question - if you haven't seen anyone for a year, can you still have feelings for them? And can you "just know" that they are meant to be with you? 


There's this Bob Dylan song (recently covered by Adele) that sums this up really well - Make you Feel My Love...and this verse is it in a heart beat - 


I know you
Haven't made
Your mind up yet
But I would never
Do you wrong
I've known it
From the moment
That we met
No doubt in my mind
Where you belong
So, there it is. I'm crazy. I know. I get that. But if there isn't a little crazy inside all of us - then how boring life would be...

i did get motivated...

Just a quick little update. I got motivated. I had a shower, got dressed and went to Coles.

Came home, baked cookies. They're amazing! Thanks to Nigella - http://www.nigella.com/recipes/view/totally-chocolate-chocolate-chip-cookies-29

So, it really is that easy to be motivated. You just actually have to get up and do something. Anything. It actually doesn't matter what it is. You could be motivated to make your bed, but if you do it then you've won! (Just so you know, I love a made bed! I try and make my bed every day!)

But that's off topic. I just wanted to say, that if you're feeling unmotivated - bake some cookies. It helps! 

D xx

how to be motivated...and other impossible pursuits...

Motivation is a funny thing. Sometimes you have and sometimes you don't.

Today, I don't have motivation. I slept in until 1pm - rare occurrence. I'm still in my pyjama's. I only had toast for breakfast and a cup of black tea (the tea was black because I couldn't find the motivation to go out and get milk!). And on top of all this, I'm just sitting in the kitchen doing nothing.

Why is it that some days you wake up and you're ready to face the world with all it's challenges and obstacles, and other days you just can't be arsed? My guess is that it is all a big balancing act. I have a girlfriend of mine who must be the most motivated person in the world. She always has a list going, something to clean, someone to see, some meal to cook, some clothes to iron, some cleaning to do, some movie to watch, a book to read, a pair of shoes to buy...anyway, you get the idea. She NEVER stops and she is so motivated to do it all!

But I wonder, does she every just stop and sit around all day in her PJ's doing nothing? I actually don't think she does....she's missing out on a lot I think!

But in the spirit of this blog, I'm going to be motivated today! I've decided to do some baking! I'm going to bake Nigella Lawson's Totally Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookies! I haven't baked in a long time and I miss it. I used to bake all the time. So, look out Coles, here I come! And look out body, here come the Totally Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookies!

YUM!

So, in answer to my question - how to be motivated? Well, you just get motivated. You get up of the chair, shower and go to Coles. It's that simple.

As for other impossible pursuits...lets leave that for another day.

D xx

People who you haven't seen for years...

Moving back to the Gold Coast certainly was a hard decision. You see, when you live in Melbourne you get spoilt for choice - and on top of the choice, you can actually eat dinner after 6.30 at night - I know this is a foreign concept for Queenslanders...

There is so much food. So much so that in the first 12months of living in Melbourne I ballooned 20kgs! That was a quite a shock, but I'm happy to say that I'm now more than half way to losing the weight that I found in Melbourne...but that's another story...

The point of this post is that moving back to the Gold Coast, after you've grown up here makes you realise what a SMALL place it really is. Sure you bump into people in Melbourne but no where near as often. So far I've run into about 20 people that I know. And it's both been great and not so great running into them, but the reality is we are all different people - if you think about when you were in Primary School how much it mattered that you weren't having Tuckshop and ALL your friends were - or that your sports shoes weren't the latest Nike's around - it was like the world was going to end. But now that we're 'all grown up' these HUGE things really are insignificant.

Anyway, I'm really off topic now - what I wanted to say was - a friend of mine from Primary School wrote me an email in response to a recent post - and it was really insightful. It made me stop and think and really listen - afterall I hadn't seen her for a decade and a half - how could she have this insight? I was perplexed but so pleasantly surprised at the same time.

So don't discount what anyone says to you. It may be just what you need to hear at that time in your life. Like Sarah Wilson says - (www.sarahwilson.com.au) - you have to listen to what the world is saying to you - the world sends you messages - and it's up to us to listen and action. Sarah is a big believer in 3's - if she hears something three times then she does something about it - as hard as that may be! I on the other hand have been known to ignore the world sending me messages until they come up and smack me right in the face!

I know that was a whole lot of jumble words but hopefully there is some meaning in it for someone - even if you haven't read my blog before - maybe, just maybe that will be what you needed to hear...

August is here...there are no rules!

I was reading a post on www.reasonstodatecourtneybeck.tumblr.com and she has decided that in August, there are no rules. You see, she is a gorgeous girl living in this beautiful world who can't seem to find someone to date and has set up this blog to help - it really is a great read!

So in August, there are no rules. No thinking about texting if you want to text, or calling if you want to call or even showing up on someone's door step with a mix tape in hand declaring your love for them - it's simple - in August, if you want to do it, then do it.

I actually think this would be a great way for us to live our life everyday, but we get so worried about what others may think or what they may say that we stop and cower in the corner of life and don't step out of our comfort zone. If we don't follow our hearts/guts/instincts then what have we got? Living in fear is no way to live.

So I'm embracing NO RULES AUGUST. And to be honest, I can't wait. I'm not going to let anything stop me. Look out....

Take a chance this week...

Today's Sunday. I know, not a huge newsflash, but for some it is considered the beginning of the week. For me, it's what I like to call the end of the week that was and the opportunity to look forward into the week that is to come. That's actually what I say to people when on a Sunday they ask me what day it is...haha.

But in all seriousness, whether you think Sunday or Monday is the start of the week, my challenge for myself this week is to take a chance. Taking a chance on something that I wouldn't normally. I'm not sure what that is going to be just yet, but I'll make sure that it is something that truly challenges me.

Maybe it'll be a chance on love. Maybe it will be a chance on a friendship. Maybe it will be a chance on myself.

Can't wait to take that step, into the unknown and see what happens. Life is about living and what is living if we don't push ourselves that little bit further....so, here we go....

take control...

I've spoken here before about how I'm that person in my family that everyone comes to. The 'glue' that holds us together. And I said that I liked it. I think a big part of this is because I've learned over the years to take control of situations. Both professionally and personally. It's something that I'm still mastering, but in short, I think we all have the capacity to take control of our own situation....and we need to!

If we have something in our life that is seemingly taking control, this is when stepping up and taking back that control is so important. We need to be proactive. We need to understand that we have the power to change the direction our life is taking if we don't like it. Of course there are things that we can't control, but not being the victim is the most important lesson I've learned.

So today, change something that you don't like in your life. Change the course you're on if it's not that one you want to be on. You CAN do it!

Things are harder when you're grown up...

Have you noticed how easy it is for children to make friends? They just walk up to the kid that has the coolest toy and instantly they're friends. As adults, it seems to be much harder.

After high school is one of those opportunities where you form a new circle of friends. And then again maybe after university. But what are you supposed to do when you're nearing the ripe old age of 30? I know that's not old, but making new friends and becoming part of a friendship circle seems so much harder when we're 'all grown up'.

I've recently moved back to Qld, and I'm so glad that I have. But I can't help but think, will I be able to make new friends, or will I sit at home on my days off and will my nights consist of watching Masterchef while eating a Weight Watchers microwave meal and downing half a bottle of NZ's finest Sav Blanc? Cos this isn't what I want....

I want a group of friends to have dinner with, to go to the movies regularly with, to have birthday celebrations where we all bring amazing presents. I want that group of friends that you know will be there for you no matter what the crisis - and at times they'll make the crisis seem worse, but it'll be ok because you'll always have them.

So this is what I want. I want my Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha. And I want to be the best friend I can be to them. So lets see how I go....

i'm a little, ok, a lot disturbed...

There are too many things occurring in this world that are incredibly frustrating and scary to talk about, but i just wanted to quickly post about one of them that has really touched me in the last couple of days.

In relation to the the documentary currently showing on the SBS - Go Back to where you came from. This harrowing insight into the lives, trials and tribulations of asylum seekers is truly heartbreaking, but more disturbing as we follow 6 Australians on their journey to discover what life is truly like as a refugee - legitimate or otherwise.

The horror I felt while watching this was unbelievable. While I would say that I am NOT racist, I have in the past held some prejudice against so called 'boat people'. My views have been evolving overtime and in the past few months I have come up with a statement for myself that keeps me in check - 'we are all humans. The colour of my skin does not determine the person I am'.  This statement rang so true to me while watching this documentary. The pain these people are facing on a daily basis should never have to be felt.

I will wait until tomorrow night's episode to see the outcome, but I do hope that the view of these (and those watching) Australian's participating in the documentary does change for the better. It will restore some of my faith in the human race.

Until, remember, we can and all must support one another.

I didn't know what to write...

I'm not a writer by any means, but today I am having writers block. I really wanted to post today about something significant, but for the life of me I can't think. But then again, maybe that's the problem - I'm thinking too much.

When we think too much - about anything - we tend to rob ourselves of the opportunity that presented itself in the first place.

So today, I'm not going to think. I'm just going to do. And I'm going to do it with everything I have. Give everything a chance.

It's like that movie with Jim Carrey in it - Yes Man - at first he is a a pessimistic man who says NO to every opportunity that presents - as the film continues he starts to say YES and he sees a dramatic change and improvement in his life. It's amazing what the word YES can do.

This week there was a lot of press about Apple employee's being told that they can't be negative when talking to customers. The press wasn't positive press, but I loved it. Instead of saying - unfortunately - they say - as it turn's out. It gets the same message across but puts a positive spin on it. I don't see what is so bad about that?

So today, no thinking, saying yes and being positive are the goals...

WOW - look, no thinking and I managed to write a post...I wonder what else I can achieve today?

forgive your past.

Forgive - to cease to feel resentment against; to grant pardon


It's a big thing forgiveness. When you've been hurt, what you feel seems so real, so true and like it's the only thing that matters. Your anger and your resentment are what hold you together sometimes. Without them, you become a blubbering mess who can't hold it together. You feel justified in your feelings when you haven't forgiven. Because if you forgive, you can't be angry anymore.

Being hurt by someone you care about is a hard thing to get over, but what I've learned is that in order to 'get over it', you have to find it somewhere within you to forgive. Forgive them for what they did. Cease to feel resentment toward them. Grant them pardon for their indiscretion. Their actions. The pain they inflicted upon you.

"He who is devoid of the power to forgive, is devoid of the power to love..." Martin Luther King

Martin Luther King was right when he said this. If you haven't found the power to forgive someone, your ability to love any other will be severely limited. You'll harbour a pain inside of you that will rear its ugly head when something triggers a memory. But, if you can find the power to forgive then your capacity for love will be greater. 

Although it has been a long and hard road to true forgiveness for me, I have forgiven. But forgiving doesn't mean forgetting. I will never forget the hurt, the pain and the anger I felt, but what is different now is it's just a memory. Not a consuming emotion. I've learned. And now, I'm ready to love again. 

I've been a little addicted to Adele's new album 21 and one song in particular. Its words aren't necessarily for me in this point of time (they are perfect for a friend of mine, I wish they'd listen to them!) but they are amazing words and the song is focused on two things - love & forgiveness. You can watch her sing this live below. But the key line in the song that hits home for me is - 

Forgive your past, and simply be mine.

Thursday Things....

Today is Thursday and so I thought I'd share with you a few of the things that I've come across this week that I've liked....

A friend of mine (Alysha) introduced me to this amazing little cafe and collectable store last week and I've been back since! It's such a great spot with excellent coffee and a good selection of cakes, but the two great things about this place is it has a sandpit for the kids to play in (if only I had kids!) and you're likely to find something cute and unique to buy for your home. Their range of quirky little things and larger pieces of furniture are a great option if you're looking for something unique. 

Having just moved back to the Gold Coast from Melbourne, getting a good coffee can be hard. But this 24 hour cafe in the heart of Broadbeach delivers a great coffee all the time. 3 beans has been around since I was in high school and they're still pumping out amazing coffee and the best Rocky Road I've ever eaten! YUM!

I bought this great album this week. I love it. It's the perfect album to listen too when you just want to sit, listen and ponder the world. City and Colour. A great band and worth listening too. 

Peggy the Pug's newest favourite place. This amazing dog spa located in Sanctuary Cove know just how to spoil my little puppy, and I love it. I recently posted about taking my dog to the day spa and my Dad thinking it was a horrendous waste of money, but Peggy the Pug is totally worth it, and the team at Muttropolis are amazing!

So there are my top 4 Thursday Things this week....what are some of your favourite things? 

there's one in every family....i wish there were two in mine

there's one in every family. one person, that no matter what, can (seemingly) solve the problems of everyone else's world. the one person that the rest of the family comes to when there is a problem to be sorted, a joint birthday present to be purchased, a family outing destination or really just to have a good ol' fashioned sit down and chat with. 


i seem to be the 'go to' person in my family. as most of us do these days, my family is a little complicated and (probably not, but for the sake of this argument lets say so) more than a little unique. lets just start with the siblings - 3 girls and 3 boys. i'm the eldest boy. the 3 girls are older than me. 2 of the girls have a different mum to me and one of the girls has a different dad. the 3 boys have the same mum and dad. and that is truly - just the beginning.


i've always had a struggle i guess. when people ask me - are you the eldest. the answer is yes, well, no. well, kind of. but i'm not. i'm bang smack in the middle of the 6. and maybe that is why i'm the 'go to' guy. the glue that manages to stick it all together. 


i've just moved back to the gold coast and it's like the 'glue stick' has finally had its lid lifted and has started to stick the family back together. not that there was anything necessarily wrong, it's just that seemingly without me no one makes an effort for each other. but when i'm here, everyone is nicer to one another and more helpful. things get done. by no means am i'm gloating or being egotistical, i'm excited that i'm the one that gets to hold 'us' together. 

in her final tv appearance oprah said - 


but what I want you to know as this show ends: each one of you has your own platform. do not let the trappings here fool you. mine is a stage in a studio, yours is wherever you are with your own reach, however small or however large that reach is. maybe it's 20 people, maybe it's 30 people, 40 people, your family, your friends, your neighbors, your classmates, your classroom, your co-workers. wherever you are, that is your platform, your stage, your circle of influence. that is your talk show, and that is where your power lies.


so, i'm proud to be the 'go to' guy, the guy that has to have the difficult conversations with people, the one who can organise a dinner for 15 people with a half hours notice - why? because this family, my family (and my friends) are my circle of influence. i have a stage, a platform and if i can help anyone, even just the slightest, then why shouldn't i? 


who's the glue in your family? 

it's the small things...

Peggy (aka 'Peggy the Pug') moved back home to Qld a little while before I did. Mum & Dad have been taking care of her along with their Border Collie - Ellie.

Peggy's loved every minute of being up here in Qld. She now has an identity crisis. She thinks she is a Rottweiler rather than a Pug and will take on any dog (regardless of their size) and MAKE them play with her. It is hilarious to see her wrestling with a full size Border Collie or to see a German Shepherd back away from her because she is so full on!

But today I took Peggy to a new 'DAY SPA' at Sanctuary Cove for a little pampering. Dad says "What a waste of money, you should wash her yourself". And while Dad is probably right, and I have washed her many times myself, she absolutely LOVES going and it makes me smile to take her. Also, everyone who meets her falls in love with her.

                                           Peggy the Pug - Photo by me. 

So this is one of my little things - I like to take my puppy somewhere to have a bath and a massage and a bit of pampering every now and then. It makes me smile. And it makes me happy.

What makes you smile?
What makes you happy?

if tomorrow was it?

For those of you who don't know, on a Thursday night I love to watch TV. Most other nights I can go without (except for Mondays with Offspring and Q&A and Lateline, and Tuesdays with NCIS) but on a Thursday from 8.30 until 11.30 I watch - Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives and Private Practice. I like them all, but Grey's is one show that always gets me thinking. 

Tonights episode was almost unbearable - for two reasons. 

1. It was a weird musical episode - it works for Glee, nothing else. 

2. One of the most in-depth characters on the show could have possibly died - and this is what I want to talk about. 

Death. It could happen to any of us at any time. We could be driving for a weekend away and have just been proposed too and a truck could come out of nowhere and collect us in our car. Or we could step off the tram and some lunatic driver doesn't stop and collects us and our latte as we walk across to the footpath. Or God forbid, we could be struck down with a debilitating disease that no one can cure. 

Ok, I think we get the idea. 

But my point is, if we died tomorrow - what would you be doing right now? 

Who would you call? 

Who would you forgive?

What food would you eat? 

What would you want to see? 

What would you want to say? 

Who would you kiss?  

See, if we knew that tomorrow was our last day we could all answer those six questions easily. But we think that we have all the time in the world to call, to forgive, to indulge our tastebuds, to see the one person we would want to see more than anything, say the things we never thought we could and we'd most certainly kiss the person we were to afraid too. 

But why don't we do that anyway? It's because we are scared of what might happen next. The person we call may hang up in our ear. Our apology may fall on deaf ears. We might get fat......etc etc

I want to live in a way that considers what happens next but then goes right on and does what I want to do when I want to do it. I'm going to try that tomorrow - maybe you can answer just one of the questions above ...

Oh, and by the way - if you didn't see Grey's, Callie lived - and she said yes!

It's my opinion and I'm going to tell you about it!

There is a little bit of talk about Same-Sex Marriage going on at the moment. And when I say a little bit, it is a little bit. Not because it shouldn't be spoken about, but because people are too concerned to talk about it - too concerned about what others may or may not think of them if they come out in support or against it.


Why is it that we are concerned about what others may think of our opinion? After all, no one else can own our opinion. It belongs to us and only us. Someone may share the opinion - but only we can own it. And we have to stand up for it. 


Shelly Argent is the spokesperson for PFLAG - Parents and Friends of Lesbians & Gays. She made comment today about the latest Galaxy poll that found 75 percent of Australians believe same-sex marriage in Australia to be inevitable and a recent poll found that over 60% support Same-Sex Marriage. Shelly Argent stands up for her opinion. She has one gay son and one straight son and doesn't understand why there are current laws that discriminate. Why don't we all stand up and speak our minds about this? 


you can watch one of Shelly Argent's videos here - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2SN-I1p3-w


As much as I care about livestock and the way they are treated, it has really highlighted to me the fact that we are a nation that cares about what everyone thinks of our opinions. The majority of us are outraged by the way cattle are treated in Indonesia and, in some way or another - whether that be by the water cooler at work or on twitter and facebook - we are speaking up about the injustice to the animals. But what about the injustice and discrimination that is occurring to people like me, and people you know who can't get (legally) married? Why aren't we talking about that while we're down at the pub having a glass of chardy after work? 


I personally would get married, even if the government told me I wasn't allowed. I'd take the man I love in my arms and declare it in front of a hippy lesbian priest and my family and friends. Screw the law. But why shouldn't it be legal? Is it really going to destroy the 'sanctity' of marriage? 


(now I just need someone to marry!)

the mind...

I did Bikram Yoga today. For the second time. The first time I got ridiculously sick and ended up in bed for 5 days. It was awful. If you don't know, Bikram Yoga is Yoga practised in a room that is heated to approx. 42 degrees for 90mins. It's hard work.

That first time I did Bikram and then got sick, I realised just how much crap we put into our bodies. The heat releases all the toxins. The benefits of Bikram Yoga are immense - if you can only get through the 90mins, and tonight, I got thinking....

It's just 90mins. 90mins can't be that hard. But it is. And your mind starts to tell you that you can't do it, and it's time to get out. For me, not being a lover of exercise or pain in any form putting myself through 90mins of hell is hard work. But, I am determined to do it again. Tomorrow even.

Our bodies can do so much. You can see that when you watch a dancer dance. What they can achieve with their body is amazing. We could achieve that if we put our MINDS to it. We could all do the splits in the air. It's not our bodies holding us back but our mind.

                                                       Photo by Iris Anam Cara

So many times in life it is our mind that holds us back. That voice in our heads that says "you can't do that" or "that's too hard" or "who are you kidding?".  But when we fight that voice. When we push through the physical pain and do what we set out to do without trepidation, that voice gets quieter. And eventually it will be replaced with a voice that says "go on, you can do that" or "wow, that felt good" and then you will be unstoppable.

The voice in my head was so loud during Yoga today. It was saying things like "this place is way too hot" and "just lay down" and "you can't do that" but I pushed through and each time I did push through I felt better for it. Tomorrow I will push through and go to Yoga, even though that voice will be telling me not to.

June 7. Blog 3. Terrible.

I've been back on the Gold Coast 6 days now and I've been to the beach 3 days. There really isn't anything better for me than walking over the sand dune and seeing the ocean. It's a sight that stirs up so many emotions for me but the main one is peace. I feel at home with the sand under my feet and the ocean lapping at the shore.

I could walk for hours on the beach. It's the perfect place for a think, a sing, a crazy talk to oneself. The feeling is so overwhelming for me that I honestly can focus on one thing at a time - something I struggle to do normally. How good it would be if each of our lives were in a setting of our choice - rather than in the busyness of the world. Where would yours be? 

One of the best things about being back home on the Gold Coast - apart from the beach, is the SUSHI. I'm a BIG fan. The simplicity of it. The dedication of the Japanese people when making it. Their commitment to each piece, perfectly sliced, perfectly aligned and almost identical to the last. It truly is a gift. I love watching them make it. Then I love eating it.

Hopefully, as I eat some more Sushi and take long walks on the beach, I'll discover new things about me to share. Life is for living and I'm so excited that I get to live everyday. 

Slack, that's the only word for it.

I made a commitment. A commitment to myself that I was going to blog about my life, but it wasn't about the blog. It was about doing what I wanted to do and the blog was a way to keep me on track.

So far, no blog. And yep, not doing what I wanted to do. It's nearly March 2011 and so far I haven't gotten of my bum to do anything other than what I was doing already.

Ok, I did go to one Bikram Yoga class, but that nearly killed me and since then I've forgotten about my promise. The promise I made to myself to do something with my life. Not egotistically, but I'm a pretty great guy with a whole bunch of potential and I'm just living my life day in and day out without a purpose.

Time to do something about it....